My Meme from Gwen

Four Jobs I've Had in My Life:

1. Grocery Store Sacker/Stocker/Checker
2. Museum Exhibit Audio Tour Guide
3. Data Entry Clerk for major insurance broker
4. Sushi Chef

Four Movies I Could Watch Over and Over:

1. Pulp Fiction
2. Road House
3. The Beast Master
4. The Usual Suspects

I Have Lived in:

1. Lansing, Michigan
2. Newton, Massachusetts
3. Dallas, Texas
4. Houston, Texas

Four TV Shows I Love to Watch:

1. Just Shoot Me
2. Frasier
3. The Food Channel (every show on there)
4. Beyond Tomorrow (The Science Channel)

Places I Have Been on Vacation:

1. Cancun, Mexico
2. Niagara Falls, Canada
3. Los Angeles, California
4. Detroit, Michigan (not really "vacation;" more like torture)

Four Websites I Visit Daily:

1. Sensible Erection
2. Gwenworld
3. Ebay
4. Yahoo Mail/News/Weather/Movies

Favorite Foods:

1. Anything Italian
2. Chinese Dim Sum
3. Vietnamese Noodles (Pho)
4. anything soupy or stewey
5. Enchiladas
6. steak (prime rib or New York Strip, medium rare)
7. cheeseburgers
8. southern comfort savory dishes (meatloaf, casseroles, greens, fried chicken)
9. any and all seafood (shellfish, fresh and saltwater fish, mollusks)

Four Places I would rather be:

1. A sunny beach in Mexico
2. hanging out on that same beach with my gf
3. snuggling with gf on soft linen sheets
4. at home making music on my pc

Four People I Am Tagging With This Meme:

Um, no one. Sorry.

Top 3 Things that Annoy Me About Trendy Restaurant Cliches

1) Wasabi Mashers
Mashed potatoes are a staple starch side dish that usually accompanies a meat such as beef, chicken or pork. It's definitely a crowd favorite, but these Euro-chic cafes and eateries don't want the run-of-the-mill mashers, so they throw in a little wasabi powder until it turns green and then, Voila! You've got yourself a unique spin on an old favorite. Now you can officially call your dining experience, "fusion cuisine."

2) Berry Reduction Sauce
Waiter: "Our fire-grilled flank steak will be topped off with a port wine berry reduction."
What the waiter forgets to mention is your steak will actually taste like berries as opposed to the delicate beef from which you just paid $27 bucks for.

3) Mango Salsa/Chutney
Chefs are trained to pair sweet tastes with either spicy or savory flavors to balance out the palette. Since when was it necessary to make a "salsa" out of mangoes and then put it on meat?

Online Interview by Gwen

Here are the instructions:

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different. I'll post the questions in the comments section of this post.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Gwen asked me these questions:

1. What is the sexiest thing a woman has ever done to/for you?

This one girl I was dating made me a chicken pot pie with real chicken filling, bursting at the seams with veggies and gravy. After I ate every last bite of the delicious treat, I was so full, my gut was busting at the seams. I was planning on washing my car, but haven eaten so much I could barely move. Well, get this...she offered to wash my car for me as well! Isn't that the sexiest thing?

2. What is the most awesome thing you own?

I have this paper napkin that Mario Lopez used when he visited the restaurant I was working at. I asked him for his phone number so we could hang out if he was ever visiting Houston. He gave me his number, laughed out loud and left his table with a measly 3 dollar tip on $26.78. After having looked at the number and seeing those "555" digits, I knew my hopes of hanging out with the former "Saved By the Bell" star was gone.

3. If you had to kill one person in the world (in order to keep your loved ones from dying), who would it be?

This is an easy one. Katie Holmes. That bitch acts all cute and sweet and wholesome and then runs off with Tommy Cruise while he's on rebound mode to make "Nic" jealous of his relations with a girl half his age and half a foot taller than him. We all know N.K. won an Oscar--the trophy that has eluded Tom's grips for so many years. The pain is hard. I'm sure it gets easier banging one of your kid's schoolmates. I'd make her die slow.

4. In order to keep your loved ones from dying, you have to take either Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt on a date, and the date has to end with a long, French, goodnight kiss. Who would you pick and where would you take him? Also, what kind of corsage or other gift would you give him at the beginning of your date?

Contrary to popular belief, I would choose Brad over Tom. Brad is loved by millions of adoring female fans, and to make all of them cringe in homosexual disgust, I would gladly lick his asshole if need be. Plus, I'd gain a leigion of gay fans in doing so. Oh, and as for the gift, I'd bring Katie Holme's head, in a box, ala "Seven."

5. You can give each of your friends any gift in the whole world for Christmas this year, free of charge. What do you give to whom?

I'd give my girlfriend a limited edition Jaguar XK8, in black, with chrome HKS dubs.
I'd give Cathy a black American Express card so she could jet set the world to shop til her Jimmy Choos broke. I'd give Mike a toe transplant surgery with recovery in a strip club full of only whores with no guys. I'd give Jorge some guitar lessons and a watch that kept perfect time. I'd give Cyra some real belly dancing lessons.
I'd give Binh a free World of Warcraft account so he could play it til his heart's content. I'd give Rick a waxing of all his body hair and have it knit into a sweater so that it would keep his girlfriend, Hoa, warm in those chilly Houston winters.
Oh, and I'd also give Hoa an elephant for her to ride. I'd give Karen a trip to Malaysia to give her that leg stretching surgery so popular amongst gnomes. I'd give Dave a vasectomy.

Japanese Restaurant Guide

When entering a Japanese/Sushi establishment, here is a list of things NOT to say to your sushi chef:

"God, I absolutely LOVE sushi! I could eat it everyday if I could afford it. Can I order two California rolls?"

"Could I get those without masago?"

"Could I get those without avocado?"

(after sushi chef starts making rolls) "...oh, and could you make those on soybean paper?"

"Could I get some low-sodium soy sauce with that?"

"Are you Japanese?"

The answer I would like to give to all of these annoying questions is a good "hell no." But unfortunately, I'm required to be professional at all times. Plus, if you tip your sushi chef well, he'll do anything for you.

My 28th Birthday

It's been 28 long years since my mother first pushed me out of her uterus and into this hell of a world we call Earth. Actually, I was born in Vietnam, so that was another hell altogether on it's own. I'm very thankful I don't remember any of that.

I'd like to think that I did something with my time and didn't just waste it away partying and sleeping. Well, I kind of did. I don't have a lot to show for myself except a new car and really good credit. But hey, some people can't even say that much. But is our self-worth defined by our material possessions? I would hope not.

When you were young and still in high school and your teachers asked you where you thought you would be in ten years, you never really thought you'd still be living at home and working from paycheck to paycheck. I see myself in that reality and sometimes it takes a toll on my conscience. But then again, I'm not one to look back at my life and regret the decisions I've made. I'm not a regretful person.

I took this famous personality test today and it revealed many things I already knew were true.
The test says that I am an "Artisan," and that "I have exceptionally keen senses and I love to work with my hands." True. It says, "Artisans will strike off boldly down roads that others might consider risky or impossible, doing whatever it takes, rules or no rules, to accomplish their goals. This devil-may-care attitude also gives the Artisans a winning way with people, and they are often irresistibly charming with family, friends, and co-workers." Also true. I am pretty fucking irresistible.

It also states some traits that would be deemed faulted. "They [Artisans] can also be generous to a fault, always ready to share with their friends from the bounty of life. Above all, Artisans need to be free to do what they wish, when they wish. They resist being tied or bound or confined or obligated; they would rather not wait, or save, or store, or live for tomorrow. In the Artisan view, today must be enjoyed, for tomorrow never comes."

It's funny cause if you know me, this one paragraph sums me up very well. Some see it as having my head in the clouds or just too free with my time. But sometimes time is all we have. I don't like planning too far in advance unless it's something that I absolutely have to do. Otherwise the future is left to be uncertain. I think it should remain that way.

Why Subway Workers Suck

And when I say, "Subway," I don't literally mean subway workers in New York. I mean, Subway Sandwiches. As in, "Eat Fresh!" As in, "Look at me...I'm a fat ass and rich and now I lost all this weight cause I can afford to eat at Subway three times a day!"

As I was saying, the workers or "sandwich designers" at Subway suck when it comes to doing their job. These franchises hire the most incompetent people to do the most mundane things.

I order the chicken and bacon melt from this transvestite (not kidding) and he/she takes the pre-portioned chicken with ONE strip of bacon and just tosses it on the bread--in the MIDDLE of the bun. Keep in mind that I ordered the foot long and dumb ass tranny here decides to slap it between inches 3 and 8. Like, it was so hard to spread the chicken EVENLY across the bun. Like he/she/it was going to add the rest of the toppings along with the meat and couldn't for a second think that I would like all of my bites to result in a "chicken and bacon melt" explosion in my mouth. Like the Puerto Rican plastic surgeon who painfully placed those breast implants in his chest probably had enough sense to balance them out--resulting in an even line of symmetry that would look anatomically correct--for a female. I guess it wouldn't matter that much if everyone ate their sandwiches from the middle, like he wishes one day a guy would do to him--only to find more sausage than beaver. Perhaps if he made his sandwiches correctly, he could possibly move up to shift manager, or even supervisor. That way, it'll earn him the respect and salary needed to compensate for those lacking qualities that all females take for granted.

All of those people would fail miserably at making sushi rolls.

Happy V-Day!

I hope everyone has a great Valentine's day and a Happy Chinese New year and a happy Fat Tuesday and hope you get lots of chocolate and flowers, money in red envelopes, and lots and lots of sex.

I think Valentine's Day is bullshit and am glad my girlfriend feels the same. Holidays that are sponsored and pushed by corporate companies like Hallmark are what drive people to spend money on crap that would only mean something if it weren't Valentine's day.
And it's not to say that my girlfriend expects these gifts, but it's helps to satisfy her co-worker's urge to know about her private love life, and to know that she is loved. And don't get me wrong, I don't mind sending her flowers, but if they only knew what I did for her the other 364 days of the year that didn't involve a holiday...now that would be something.

I need to make a card that says, "Happy Valentine's day. Hope this shows you how much I love you because companies like Hallmark and FTD made me feel guilty about not buying something from them to show you exactly how much ($$$) I really do care for you."

I hope everyone gets laid, at least.